


Tord regrets (almost) everything

by Brianna484



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Feminine Matt, First Coherent Fanfic, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm making this up as I go along, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Juice - Freeform, Leaving The Army, M/M, Nail Polish, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Red Leader, Self-Harm, Self-Indulgent, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, Tom gives half a fuck, Tom isn't helping, Tord has a self value crisis, Tord has an existential crisis, Tord is having a bad day, Tord regrets a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-11-23 05:03:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11395893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brianna484/pseuds/Brianna484
Summary: Tord sees a lot of shit in the army, rethinks his life choices, and tries to start overChange of path begins right before The End part 1Spoilers for literally everythingI made this Au on a tired whim





	1. Airport deport

**Author's Note:**

> If you're reading this, it means you clicked on it, and you were interested, so thank you for considering me??? ;w;
> 
> This is the first fic I'm gonna upload and keep it up(I'm gonna regret that promise) and that _actually makes some sense???_ I hope you enjoy!  
>  Also I'm American, so I'm sorry if I mess something up!

Pushing my way out the airport doors dragging my rolling case luggage behind me, I habitually examined each door in seconds for hazards and traps, something I need- no, need _ed_ for survival.

Darting my eyes every which way while walking down the pick up runway, I saw edd's car already waiting for me. I picked up pace and waved slightly, forcing a grin on my face.

He stepped out of the vehicle and walked up to me, smiling so happily. "Tord!" he shouted my name and made to hug me. I shot back three steps by instinct, ready to run at the drop of a hat.

At his confused- and hurt?- expression, I spoke "I'm... not feeling well." I elaborated with as little words as I could, as per usual. He nodded and his face softened to something more understanding as he helped me get my luggage in the trunk.

I climb into the passenger side, despite my mind berating me to sit in the back. Pressing myself into the door, I spare edd but a glance as he gets in opposite to me. After a few moments of the engine remaining off, I look at him and raise my brow in an unspoken question. "Your seatbelt, Tord!" He said "Safety first." 

"Thousands die in car crashes, regardless of seatbelts," I informed him, buckling up anyways. That seemed to please him, as the car was started near immediately after my seatbelt clicked- the sound of the engine made me jump in my seat. Glancing to edd, he seemed to not have noticed, what a relief. How embarrassing it would be to explain that me, the man who participated in a game of paintball with real guns and fought zombies with only a fork and spoon, was scared of a little, harmless noise?

As the car drove down the road, it began raining. With the endless pitter-patter of rain against the windows and the soft bouncing of the car, I allowed myself be lulled into a light for the first time in 20 hours.


	2. Drive's over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome home

My eyes flicked open to a bright light, my body involuntarily trying to get air, I jolted in my seat. How disappointing: I would have just let an enemy know I'm awake. Awake... Oh how I wish I could just fall asleep forever, no worries, and never waking up, and no one would care, and where am I again? 

looking around, I recalled everything at once. Patryk wasn't driving, it was Edd. I wasn't in some military vehichle or one of the "base-mobiles" as Paul jokingly dubbed them, I was in Edd's car. I wasn't driving back to base, sobbing and chewing my uniform collar because _ **I fucked up** the mission big this time, so many lives and resources lost, people who'd never see their friends and family again and how Paul came so close to being one of them, being silly and childish again, trying to put a smile on our faces, trying to put a smile on **my** face._

__

I was Home.

Shaking my head and dispelling the scattered cloud of thought, I looked to my right, only to see Edd missing. He must have saw me sleeping, and let me be...

Yeah, that was it. opening the door, I tried to get out, only to be held back by some **one.** Looking behind me with a gasp, and reaching for my gun, and _oh god it's not there, **and-**_ There was no one there. I looked down, not to see an arm, but a seatbelt holding me in place.  
I chided myself mentally as I unbuckled, finally exiting the vehicle. As I checked the trunk for my luggage, I was pleased to see it still there. Edd would probably turn on the car while I slept and monoxide poison me out of newfound hatred, just hours after coming home if he looked through my bag. I paused, finding the train of thought oddly specific, and random; And then forgetting it, thinking nothing of it.

I don't quite recall retrieving my luggage out of the trunk, but here it was, in my hand as I closed the hood. Dragging it along, I took a deep breath, wiped my feet, and walked in through the garage door.

I'd musn't been asleep long before edd left, because the green-chubby-cola-lover was only a few feet away from me, his back turned to me as he greeted his other color coded friends. At the sound of the door, everyone faced me; I was on spotlight now. Determined to not to gulp out of fear, show any signs of nervousness as their gazes went right through me to my very soul, to show how small I felt, I put on a false smirk, and raised my hand  
"Hello, old friends."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I accidentally wrote this chapter in third person so now I'm super tried and just want to sleep (worth it)
> 
> Pass me a silly comment please


	3. Panic! at the chair.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SaVe HiM.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back?! This chapter has a different pov!  
> Most of this is taken from the end part 1...  
> I have a date tomorrow, but I want to upload this now, cuz I have a death wish. Let me know if there are any errors, thanks! Please enjoy.

"Tord, you're awake!" Edd pointed out, wrapping his arms around the Norwegian.

Tord's mind blanked. He stopped working for a moment, forgetting how to react in the arms that carried such warmth, filled with pleasant affection. It made him want to throw up, but, at the same time, he didn't want to let go. 

When Edd pulled away, Tord was left tingly all over. His mind numbly swam, and he knew his smile must have looked goofy with the way it hurt his cheeks. Edd spoke with a firm, pleased tone, "Welcome back!," while holding Tord's shoulders, giving his friend the proper look over he couldn't when he was driving. 

"Welcome back?!" Said Tom with a scared underline to his shocked tone. Right, Tom, with his strange eyes that act like empty, black holes, while glinting similarly to water under the sun, creating the illusion of a waterfall behind the abysses that were constantly miffed at something. Once Tord's rival for Edd's attention, they found something mutual they agreed on:  
Fighting. Each other, specifically. Usually just verbal assaults, it'd occasionally escalate to throwing things or even fist fights if no one was around to stop it. 

"I hope you don't mind me letting myself in," Tord commented, removing his hands from his pockets as he shrugged. "Oh, not at all!" Matt replied, finishing the last bite of his cookie. "Ah... Who are you?" He inquired.

"It's me! Tord?" He asked with genuine worry.  
"Uh,"  
"He used to live here?" The cola lover added  
"Uh,"  
"Yeah, used to!" The drunk stated accusingly.  
"Uh,"  
"You really don't remember," it was more of a statement than a question. He wasn't shocked, he wasn't much worth remembering, anyways, let alone to Matt. Edd was his friend since forever, and Tom, his respectable enemy. But him and Matt weren't much to begin with. Introduced through Edd, they had the occasional small talk, but that was it, even with living together and all. He had an odd obsession with mirrors; It was all he wanted to talk about, even interrupting people without tact just to ramble about them, constantly repeating himself. 

Speaking of Matt, he appeared to be very deeply thinking, trying hard to remember something. It was an interesting look on him, as he didn't think before doing much. While he did that, Tord took the time to look around the room, when he noticed something very important missing: The seating. When he asked about it, Edd simply replied "Tom sold them to a pirate," Tord laughed "Ha, classic stupid Tom!" elbowing the aformentioned and poking his cheek for good measure. Satisfied with his teasing, he added "Don't worry, I got this,"

Pulling out one of the inflatables he designed on during restless nights, he made a big show of tossing it forwards and unleashing the sofa. He suppressed a sigh of relief; He really should label those things. Tom had somehow managed to get his hands on another, and was currently examining it. "What are these things?" he inquired with real, non-sarcastic interest. Tord felt excitement swell up in him, ready to brag and explain all about it, pointing out all of it's features and mechanics.   
And then he remembered that's not how he's _supposed_ to act. So, he did _was_ supposed to, and half-mindedly responded with something while unleashing the inflatable chair upon Tom.

Tom simply sneered "Ow," pulling his head out from under it, he swore one or more of his leaves _(or, "hair," as other people told him)_ was damaged "So, when are you leaving, again?" he hissed out painfully.  
"Leaving? I'm moving back in!" He explained from his spot in the chair above Tom with shock. Did Edd not tell the others he was coming? Perhaps Edd was planning on laughing in his face at the airport, jeer at him and shame him for thinking he'd ever want something to do with the likes of Him. To sneer about how he'd never associate or care about a cold, filthy communistic murderer like him. To spit in his face and drive off while everyone pointed and laughed, and he changed his mind last minute.

He didn't notice his panic showing until Matt spoke "Are you okay, Todd?" Tord nodded despite the wrong name, attempting to get his breathing under control like Patryk taught him. But Patryk was starting to bring back the bad memories. Like the where, when, and why he had to teach him that. And his boyfriend, and the time where aformentioned boyfriend, Paul, almost accidentally died. And all the faces that _did_ die. 

Suddenly the chair fell and hit the floor, and Tord dug his nails into the seat, holding on for dear life, because even though the chair stopped falling in a matter of a second, he never did. His whole body was numb as tremors painfully coursed up and down his body relentlessly, and his lungs felt like collapsing, his heart beating quick and loud in his ears as waves of panic crashed over him, sending him further and further from the surface of reality, plunging him into his nightmares. 

He was going to die.

Just like the rest of them.

Scared. Pathetic. Weak. _Useless._ Wasting space. Space he needed to breathe. Space that was collapsing in on him. Eyes stared at him, seeing all his fears and sins as they crawled up his back. He heard someone call his name, but they were too distant to make out.

Suddenly, something was draped over him. Soft. Warm. Protective. A link to reality. He pulled it tight around him in a feeble attempt to ground himself. It helped a little. He layed on his side, curling in on himself, trying to appear smaller to an invisible predator. He grasped the carpet next to his face; he didn't remember getting to the floor. 

He heard instructions. He had to follow instructions. The last time he didn't _so many died._ So he did as told. **Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in.** He felt so tired. **Breathe out.** The edges of his vision were fading. **Breathe in.** Maybe he could just rest his eyes for a minute. **Breathe out.**

Just for a minute.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment, even something as small as "cool." makes my eyes water and my day the best!!!


End file.
